i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
