Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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