google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the day after is always just damage control
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
