So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
