Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
