please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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