well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
