its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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