i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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