i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
