i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
someone owes me an orgasm
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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