We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
