you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
