Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
