I'm really into asian looking animals
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will be naked everywhere
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Congratulations! We have a period
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
