So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
