i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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