1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
