you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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