So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
