I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
