Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh god it's open bar.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
