Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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