Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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