So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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