Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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