quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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