He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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