I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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