I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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