He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
