There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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