If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
