It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
