Pappa wants mamma naked
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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