What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
