i love accidental penises.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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