Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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