There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
