I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Princesses don't give blow jobs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
