Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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