I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
