I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
