is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
