Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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