"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
