He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
