I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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