fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
