No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The power of my boobs compel you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
