Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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