i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
