I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
