I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
