Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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