I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
