Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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