He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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