Dude my mom stole all your condoms
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
