Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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