I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
