It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize