did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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