Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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