i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
