I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
