I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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