seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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