What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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