we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
