I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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