My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
