today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Less talking, more tequila
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
