Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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