im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
