so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
