She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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