you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize