she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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