i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
